I Want To Know What Love Is
by Aishi-Cc
Summary: How do explain Love to a Pilot who has no emotions? You don't you show him. Yaoi Warning.
1. I Want to Know What Love is

Ok this fic came to me after listing and watching the AMV " I wanna know what love is" I just got this vid today 2-20-03 and I've been listening to it nonstop since I got it. 20 times as of this moment I got it around 4 and it's 5.30 now. keke. I so recommend this to any yaoi fan. You can pick it up here { } Anyway this is another 4x3x4 fic, haven't done one since December. They are so my fave!!!!. Any way I've kinda toke a break from Gundam Wing and worked on Inuyasha. I'm thinking of dabbing in Yu-Gi-Oh! soon. But anyway this is a lot like my other Gundam Wing work. As in it's based more on feeling then sex. You want a sex fic then go read my buddy Hiro Yui or go review "Love is a Two Way Dream" Ok here we go.  
  
Warning: Yaoi, Shonen Ai, OOC, some sap/fluff whatever, possibly a Lime/Lemon warning if I'm asked or just feel like it, And the I Wrote It Warning.  
  
I Want To Know What Love Is  
  
Aishi-Cc  
  
Quatre sighed softly to himself as he wondered around the dark house. It felt so lonely at night: it was even worst since Heero and Duo had left to take a vacation on Earth and Wufei had gotten a solo mission that would keep him away for almost a month, at lest that is what Sally had said. So here he was alone in the night looking for something he couldn't name. He stopped his aimless walking when he came to the largest of the dens. The curtains were drawn back allowing the pale moonlight to flood the room. The silvery light was a beautiful contrast to the golden light of the fire. He entered the room surprised the fire was burning.  
  
He froze when he noticed Trowa sitting on the couch. He was clad in black tank top and a pair of his normally pale jeans. Quatre just stood there staring at him, watch the two contrasting light sources dance on his clothing and tan flesh. He was so entranced he jumped at the sound of an owl hooting. Trowa turned from his book and blinked at him. "It's only an owl Quatre." He smiled in amusement. "Why are you sneaking around so late anyway? Can sleep?" Quatre nodded blushing slightly embarrassed by the way he had been staring. Trowa stretched. "Would you like to sit down? I can move my feet."  
  
Quatre nodded meekly as he walked up to him. Trowa watched as the firelight dance on Quatre's white shirt. "So what are you reading?" Quatre asked peering at the book in Trowa's hands. "Magic's Pawn." Trowa answered as he handed Quatre the book. Quatre looked at the long black haired white clad man. "Fantasy hun? Is it any good?" "Yeah. I think you'd like Van." "Oh and why is that?" Quatre asked as he rested his head on Trowa's bare shoulder. "Oh just because he needs a friend." Quatre blinked in surprise. "Like you?" Trowa chuckled. "No, I have a friend. I have you."  
  
Quatre blushed again. "Oh stop it." "What? Ami I forbidden to complement you know little one?" Quatre rubbed his cheek against Trowa's shoulder. "No it's not that." "Oh then what?" "I only forbid you to complement me when I'm half asleep." He heard Trowa Chuckle again and smiled. "As you wish." Quatre lifted his head to look up at his partner and best friend. "Do you think Heero and Duo are having fun?" Trowa shrugged. "I don't see why not. Didn't Duo say something about stopping by Vegas?" Quatre nodded. "Yes?" He noticed Trowa's grin. "Why are you grinning like that?" "Maybe when you're older Quatre." Quatre frowned. "But I'm as old as you." "Perhaps, maybe not." Quatre lowered his eyes. "I'm sorry I keep forgetting..." He trailed off as Trowa lifted his chin. "Shhh...Don't keep beating yourself up over things you have no control over. Honestly Cat. Talking about my past isn't going to kill me." Quatre turned his eyes away. ~They may not hurt you but they hurt me.~ He thought sadly. "What is Cat?" Quatre turned to gaze into Trowa's worried eyes. "I..I'm just so tired all of a sudden. Don't worry I'm ok." Trowa nodded as he let go of Quatre's chin. Quatre returned his head to Trowa's shoulder. "Trowa why are you still up anyway? Can't sleep?" "Not really. I like this place at night." Quatre wrapped his arms around Trowa's. "I always thought it was lonely." "I'm used to being alone. I used to stand and stare at the stars for hours as a child on Earth. That's one of the few found memories I have of that place."  
  
"I use to do that to. My father was always off some where, so I would sit in my room watching for him." He sighed. "My father and I never really got along. It was always work, work, work for him." He sniffed. "I miss him Trowa. I miss him so much." Trowa toke the sobbing boy into his arms. "I know Cat, I know." Quatre buried his face into Trowa's chest. "How many people have we done this to? How many fathers, brothers, friends did we take away from people? What have we become?" Quatre sobbed as he dug his fingers into the folds of Trowa's shirt. "I can't answer you Cat. Wars are evil things. They caused us pain and we repaid them a hundred times over and that only brings us more pain then we had."  
  
Quatre raised his tear-streaked face. "You feel bad about their deaths to?!" "To tell you the truth I've never cared much for humanity. Growing up like I did will do that to you, but it does hurt to see you so sad. You did what you had to do. What you thought was best. If we hadn't done what we had the war could still be going on and even more would die. All in all I say we've become what we were meant to be." "And what is that?" "Friends. Most of the people we killed were evil. Remember what Duo said about his home colony?" "Yes?" "Don't feel too bad about killing people like that ok? Feel sad but don't beat yourself up." Quatre nodded. "It just hurts." "I know Cat." Quatre leaned against Trowa." Cat?" "Just let me stay like this? I don't want to be alone right now." Trowa wrapped his arms around Quatre. "Then you won't be small one." He whispered as he rested his head on Quatre's and closed his eyes.  
  
Ok well that's it for now. 10 reviews will get an update. Don't forget to go download the AMV. Like "Like Glass" a pilot starts to come to terms with what he has done, what he has become, and how to deal with it. Personally I like how the first part came out. Chapter 2 will be longer and pick up in the morning. This fic will be very dark at times so be ready for it. I'm also planning on adding a little bit of the Whole 2X1X2 part of the fic. If you want a lot of those two then you will have to ask. For all of you 2X3 fans I'll get another one up soon. Plus with just 8 more reviews I'll start the sequel to "Death and Silence" Well I'm Outy.  
  
The one, the hopefully only,  
  
Aishi-Cc 


	2. I want You to Show Me

Like I said in my bio if enough people ask nicely I'll update before ten. I'm a slow typer so say ten just because I know it'll give some time to write. Name: said this made me seem self-centered. I am truly sorry if it does for it was intention. I'm happily surprised you people want more so soon. =^-_~^= Hopefully this story will get you check out a few of my other works. I'll try to make this chapter longer. Luv ya. Aishi-chan.  
  
Quatre opened his aquamarine eyes as something crashed outside. He listened carefully for a few seconds before hearing it again. He sighed softly. He still wasn't use to thunder storms. He let out another soft sigh as he closed his eyes. It was then something hit him; his head wasn't resting on Trowa's shoulder anymore. He opened his eyes and quickly sat up and turned to stare at Trowa. To his surprise his sudden movement hadn't disturbed his friend's sleeping. Quatre blushed slightly. ~I can't believe I feel asleep like that! Oh Rasid would have killed me.~  
  
He jumped when a incredibly loud thunder bolt struck. He blinked away the glare before sighing again. ~Why am I so jumpy this morning anyway? It is morning right? Why haven't I gotten a watch?~ He shook his head as another bolt came down. Trowa lifted his head and eyed his friend. "It's only thunder Cat. It can't hurt you." Quatre turned. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you.I." "It's ok Cat." Trowa assured him stretching. "Do they always sound like that?" Trowa nodded. "Yeah they're very common this time of year." Quatre nodded as he eyed the book on the floor. The black haired man clinging to a clam looking white horse in the middle of a thunderstorm on the cover seemed to speak to him. ~How appropriate.~ Quatre mussed.  
  
"Is that Van?" He asked pointing at the fallen book. Trowa followed his gaze and picked it up. "Yeah that's him. His full first name is Vanyel." "Pretty." "Yes well Vanyel Ashkveron is a very pretty man." "What is he like?" Quatre asked leaning forward like a curious five year old. "Well he's very confused." "About what?" "Life, who am I, the usual. He is not the kind son his father wants so there's a lot problems between him and his family." Quatre nodded remembering his own relationship with his dead father. "Cat I'm sorry I." "No it's ok go on." Trowa nodded. "Well Van get's shipped of to his aunt Savil. That's when everything get's very confusing for him."  
  
"You aren't going to tell me are you?" "Why do you say that?" "You can be such a tease. Duo's been teaching you bad habits again." Trowa grinned. "Well if you really want to know." "I do, I do!" "Vanyel meets Tylendel. They have a very Heero Duo relationship at first." "Why?" "They fall in love with each other and Vanyel is scared." "Why?" "It was frowned upon just like it is now Cat." "But if you love some one shouldn't you be with them?" He thought about that ~Shouldn't they?~ Trowa looked at him for a long moment before looking away. "It doesn't always work out Cat." Quatre lowered his head. ~Is that your way of saying it would never work between us? Would you be that cruel to me?~ Trowa toke Quatre's hand and closed around the book. "You should read it Cat." Quatre stared down at Trowa's hand. ~I would do anything for you.~  
  
He looked up at Trowa who only smiled at him. "Cheer up Cat it's only a book." He laughed softly. Quatre couldn't help but smile back. Quatre grabbed his arm as Trowa started to leave. "Trowa where are going?" "Kitchen, why you want something?" Quatre shook his head. "No I.I was just being silly. Sorry." Trowa gently toke Quatre's hand. "Don't worry so much hun? You'll turn gray before you're twenty at this rate." Quatre laughed. "You don't think I would good as a gray?" "No that's not it." "Oh then what?" "Rasid would kill us. Speaking of him where is he?" "He said something about going to a base but I can't remember." Trowa nodded. "Well I'll be back." Quatre watched him leave before flipping threw the book.  
  
Trowa sighed as he started the Mr. Coffee. He was staring to feel like Vanyel. He leaned against the counter before throwing his head back. ~I don't think I can do this anymore.~ He sighed again. ~I'll end up hurting Cat at this rate. He thinks of me as a big brother. Why did I have let him in? Why didn't just push him away like everyone else? Because you're a fool Nanashi. You just had to take your mask off.~ He lowered his head with a long sigh. He glanced outside. ~Why would Cat ever want a person like me? I'm not even human.~  
  
Quatre gasped. "Allah?! How could that had happened?" He lowered the book. ~Trowa...This was almost me!~ He shivered. He felt the same way after he though he killed Trowa, if wasn't for Heero he might of jumped to. ~Trowa where are I can't sense you anymore!~ Quatre jumped to feet franticly searching for his friend's mind. He almost collapsed in relief when he sensed it again. He set the book down deep in thought. ~I have to tell him now. I can't let something like happen.~  
  
Trowa turned when Quatre walked into the kitchen. Quatre noticed something wrong with his friend's eyes the moment he looked at him. They seem hauntingly familiar but he couldn't place them at first. ~They're the same as when I first meet him..but why?~ "Trowa are you ok?" Trowa looked away. "Trowa what is it? You can tell me.can't you? " Quatre asked sounding hurt. "You wouldn't understand Quatre." ~I wouldn't understand?!~ "What wouldn't I understand?" He asked pleadingly before reaching out for Trowa. Trowa turned his back on him. "You just wouldn't ok?" "No it's not ok! Don't shut me out like this! Please Trowa?" Trowa didn't move. "Trowa..?" Quatre begged one last time before hugging him form behind. "I won't just abandon you just because you ignore me." He buried his face into Trowa's back. "Talk to me?"  
  
Trowa closed eyes. "Quatre.." "What it is let me help you? I want to help you." Trowa sighed. "Quatre you can't always fix everything just by knowing about it." "Trowa let out. Keeping it inside will only cause you more pain." Trowa placed his hands on Quatre's and removed them before turning to face him. "I'm not worried causing myself pain." Quatre looked up at him. "You're worried about me?" Trowa looked away. "Oh Trowa..." "There's much about me that you don't know." "Then tell me?" "No. Quatre you don't want to know.." Quatre gently turned Trowa's face to face him. "I want to know. You won't scare me way." "Ok fine. I killed my family." Quatre toke a step back. "They were an adoptive family but I still helped to kill them.. .In fact I've been killing people since before I was ten."  
  
"I'm so sorry." "Why? I'm not. I don't feel anything remember?" "That's not true." "Yes it is Quatre. I don't feel remorse like you. I kill, and kill, and I feel nothing." "I DON'T CARE!" Trowa blinked at Quatre's outburst. "I wish I was like you and didn't feel so much pain. I have empathy Trowa I know what others feel. You feel." Trowa looked away. "I know you don't what to hurt me Trowa. You never have, but I have hurt you." Trowa winced. "I know it was the Zero but still I almost killed you, and you never abandoned me." "Quatre." "I know you have a lot of dark secrets in you so do I, but I would never turn on you Trowa." Trowa looked up at him. "I know something's bothering you so why don't you just tell me?" Trowa shook his head. "I can't" "Why?" "It would." Quatre put a finger to his lips. "You think I could never love you because you're you? Did that stop Duo?" Trowa lowered his eyes. "And here I thought you didn't love me." Trowa blinked. "Wha." Quatre smiled. "I some of the book. I didn't want that to happen to us." He toke a step forward. "I got you back and I don't want to risk losing you again."  
  
"Cat I." "I know you only wanted to protect me form your daemons. But if Heero and Duo can pull it of then so can we." "I'm not so sure." "Why?" "Rasid." Quatre threw his arms around Trowa's neck. "You let me worry about Rasid." "Yes Cat." "Quatre smiled as he pushed himself up on his toes and kissed Trowa. He smiled to himself when Trowa wrapped his strong arms around him holding him close.  
  
Ok end of part two. Cute hun? Conflicting emotions are fun. It may seem like I'm promoting the book Magic's Pawn, well I am. It also inspired me. Well chapter three will be much longer and not so dark. Keke. Also the other two will be making their appearances. Well Till next time hun? Oh yeah I put the link to the AMV in my Bio so go look it up kay? 


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